i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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