now i know why i became what i already was.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
