I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
