Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
