3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
