Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
