I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
