I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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