Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
