I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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