Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
