The maid of honor just puked.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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