I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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