Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
