no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
