Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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