When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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