I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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