you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
