ttyl tear gas
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let's get the cat blown out
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
