Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
