i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
