i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
