I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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