Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
