this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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