there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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