From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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