3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
