First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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