Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
