im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
