covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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