All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
