someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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