so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
