dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
