Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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