U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got inside last night via doggy door
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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