so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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