Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
