Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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