You really coming over, don't trick.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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