considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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