we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
