We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
