I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
