I'm drive I can fine osifer
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
