I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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