how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
