I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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