is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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